


Eyes, Nose, Lips.

by TeaLovingTooru



Series: Gifts The HQBB Discord Darlings <3 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Kozume Kenma, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gentle Kissing, Insecure Kozume Kenma, Insecurity, Kenma Tries, M/M, Non-Sexual Body Worship, Sex Repulsed Kozume Kenma, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 00:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaLovingTooru/pseuds/TeaLovingTooru
Summary: I wrote this for my dear friend, Charlie, who is honestly like family to me. I consider them like a sibling. Charlie, honey, you mean so much to me and I just wanna say thank you for everything you do for me and the unconditional support you bring me as I begin to go through all of these changes and with my insecurities and for that I thank you. I know that my words will never be enough to show you how much you do mean to me, but I'll try anyway. Sooo, I wrote you this and I hope you can see at least a fraction of what you make me feel. <3333 So. I hope you enjoyed!!





	Eyes, Nose, Lips.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deducingontheroof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deducingontheroof/gifts).



For Kozume Kenma, words were something that couldn’t always express how he felt. Sadly enough, his body couldn’t either, for reasons that are often held at arm's length so as to protect his emotional being.

He didn’t always like that he was this way, seemingly emotional frigid and cold to most others that were not close after years of breaking down emotional blocks. Perhaps this is why he had never truly had a stable relationship, since every guy he’d ever been with had expressed that he would never be enough due to his sexual repulsion.

Of course there are reasons for these things, not that they truly matter, just simply are and are not to be questioned. But they are. When they are, Kenma will try everything in his possible capability to cut you off. It shouldn’t matter why or how, it just is who he is. He’s human, still capable of feelings, regardless of his preference of intimacy. He didn’t want to let anyone else in. Well… that is, until he met Yamaguchi Tadashi.

Tadashi seemed to have an effect on people, could lighten a room just by standing there, much like a candle set in a room at midnight. Kenma hadn’t wanted to let someone in, but after having spilled coffee all over his notebook, he seemed to fall right into place. There had been no major discussion, no thought as to how it happened, it just _had_ and Kenma was not upset by this. Or, he wasn’t.

In the three or so years since they’d met, they’d been in a relationship for the better half of two years. It was easy to say that these were the best years of Kenma’s life, but he felt anxious about getting too close, afraid to get burned by the light that is Yamaguchi Tadashi. However, the other man didn’t seem to realize, rather he seemed to get closer and that, sadly, brought Kenma’s fears closer too.

They had never discussed sexuality, only just that they were very interested in each other, which was probably a mistake. Kenma did know, though, that Tadashi had no bad feelings towards intercourse, because he’d done it multiple times with his ex, a fact that taunted him everyday. In Kenma’s mind, it was just a sign that he’d never really be good enough for Tadashi, he’d never be able to satisfy Tadashi’s carnal needs and that thought kills him every single second.

How could he be doing this…? He is undoubtedly tying Tadashi down to a life without sexual intimacy and the younger didn’t even know. How could he not tell the person who he considered his love intre- scratch that -the person he loved? It’s not even necessarily that Kenma believes Tadashi will break up with him (which he does), it’s just the fact that he hasn’t told him.

He’s thought about that every day for the last month, which is what drove him to a decision, finally. He’d tell Tadashi and if the man asked any unnecessary questions, Kenma would break his own heart by locking the man out of his heart and life, so he could go back to living his life in uncomplacent lonesomeness.

He didn’t want to hurt Tadashi, so this seemed to be the only way. If he keeps it from him any longer, they’ll both end up a mess, lovesick fools who can do nothing to appease each other.

Kenma remembers his first relationship, remembers how the guy had said it was fine, as long as he would ‘give him a hand’, the second who called him broken for his distaste, the third who asked if he could do those things with others if Kenma was uncomfortable, then called selfish for saying he didn’t want that. And then… there is Tadashi. His sunshine, as cheesy as it sounds, but it’s true. Tadashi makes the days a lot brighter with his smiles and his warm eyes. So the thought of losing him over something he can’t change is the absolute worst.

So when Tadashi came back to their shared apartment after his shift at the coffee shop, Kenma had waited until he came and sat on the couch beside him before clearing his throat and climbing into the other’s lap. He heard the sound of confusion Tadashi made as he wrapped his arms around his waist for support.

However, instead of responding, he simply kissed Tadashi. It wasn’t like the others, which were soft and full of pure intent, this kiss was filled with something else, undetectable disgust and a promise of something more. Tadashi kissed back, couldn’t tell anything was wrong, had even pulled Kenma closer towards him in order to kiss him in a deeper way.

Tadashi was comfortable. Kenma was not. Kenma pushed this back, focused on that first thought and forced himself to try, because trying seemed a lot better than losing someone over something that was probably stupid. He’d heard Tadashi make a soft groaning sound and his eyes clipped open, seeing a slightly wrecked Tadashi and he found he adored the sight, but also found that he hated that he couldn’t make him feel that way unless he forced himself.

Kenma hadn’t even realized he was crying until he saw a tear hit Tadashi’s cheek and felt himself being lightly pushed back. There were eyes searching his face and Kenma wanted to be swallowed up by the world surrounding him. He looked so understanding, while anyone else probably would have sighed and given a simple: ‘What now?’

Tadashi though, his eyes were warm and curious, arms wrapped firmly around his waist and waiting patiently until Kenma could speak. He couldn’t. He just leant forward, tilting his head down to bury himself in the other’s chest. He heard a deep inhale and could feel the words in his mind that were probably soon to come.

_”Kenma, why can’t you just be normal? Why can’t you try it at least once, maybe you’ll like it? Wow, do you not love me enough to even try? You are disgusting.”_

“Kenma, love, please look at me…” His voice was soft, terribly affectionate for someone whose comfort had been suddenly cut off by the source of which bursting into tears. All Kenma could do was shake his head. “Kenma, tell me what’s wrong please.”

“I-I… I don’t want to have s-sex…”

“Ok…? I don’t understand…?”

“N-No, Tadashi, I c-can’t…”

“Kenma, listen. Ok. Just take a deep breath, compose yourself and then talk, ok?” He found himself nodding, taking deep breaths and slowly raising his face to look at the person in front of him. “Are you ready to talk now…?”

“Mmhmm…”

“Alright. So what’s wrong?”

“Um… se- _that_... kind of grosses me out… like… a lot…”

“I see… Kenma? Can I ask you something…?” Oh. Here goes, Kenma. Prepare to be single in a few minutes. He nodded slowly. “If you are grossed out, why did you do that?”

Oh. That’s… not what he expected…

“I… I a worried…”

“What are you worried about?”

“That… you won’t want me anymore…”

“Kenma.” Tadashi’s voice was harsh, yet still showed concern and affection for the one before him. “I will never not want you. _That_ is just something people can do. It’s not necessary and it doesn’t matter. What does matter is your comfort. I don’t care about that stuff as long a I have you by me.”

“Tadashi… I can’t ever do that kind of thing… ever.”

“And I respect that. I love you, so that doesn’t matter to me.”

“But I-”

“Do you want me to leave…? Because I am not going to. Sex is not necessary. If you want me to leave, sex is not gonna cause it. Y’know… unless you did it with someone else… probably. I feel like I could forgive you because I love you and I-”

“Tadashi… do you mean it…?”

“Of course I mean it. If I didn’t, I’d be out the door. But I’m here and I’m staying.”

“Are you really, really sure…?”

“Kenma, oh my God. For the last time, yes. I am sure. There is more to a relationship than just sex. I know that. I feel it everyday. There are other kinds of intimacy.” He whispered, dropping his voice low as he whispered to Kenma, as though it were a secret only he could know, despite the fact that he was the only other person there. “There is emotional intimacy and physical intimacy…”

Kenma smiled at that, letting his fingers gather gently in Tadashi’s palm, loving the feel of the younger’s hand against his own.

“I love everything about you, every detail, every small little note makes my heart happy.”

“What’s… your favourite thing about me…?” It was obvious that Kenma wasn’t asking to be complimented, he just needed that reassurance and Tadashi knew of course he knew.

“I love your… eyes.” He leaned in, wiping away the tears and kissing a soft kiss to his eyelid. “I love your nose.” He followed suit, kissing the tip of his nose with dainty affection. “And I really, really love your lips.” One more. “I love everything, Kenma. You’re gorgeous and I love you, no matter what, ok?”

“Ok…”

His response had been quiet, practically silent as he buried his face in Tadashi’s neck, pressing soft kisses to the skin and soft nips. It had been quiet, but Kenma meant it. He really did know now and that was hopefully reassuring.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my dear friend, Charlie, who is honestly like family to me. I consider them like a sibling. Charlie, honey, you mean so much to me and I just wanna say thank you for everything you do for me and the unconditional support you bring me as I begin to go through all of these changes and with my insecurities and for that I thank you. I know that my words will never be enough to show you how much you do mean to me, but I'll try anyway. Sooo, I wrote you this and I hope you can see at least a fraction of what you make me feel. <3333 So. I hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
